"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
Jack Handy
"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
Ernest Gaines
"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from a realistic simulation involving a big hammer and a laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad."
Dave Barry
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."
Harvey Fierstein
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
Marcel Proust
"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use."
Soren Kierkegaard
"For the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."
William Ross Wallace
"Most people think life sucks and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then — one day — you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then — one day — you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street and BANG, you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe."
Denis Leary
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
Scott Adams
"Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy."
Nora Ephron
"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect ‘Hungry’."
Gary Larson
"A new study shows that licking a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again."
Jay Leno
"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."
Lao Tzu
"We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out."
Ray Bradbury
